Burned fuels: Part 4

Updated: Sep 9


Vertigo,


The first time I flew in a glider

I was Fifteen, It was an old mustang owned by one of the head of the backyard devils, smart kid, not the sociopathic gangster type. Just the symptoms of a youth with no future, trying to make it in a mad world. When he heard that I never flew. He proudly took me for a ride… an unsettled, drug-fueled, borderline suicidal ride.


I fucking hated it, like panic kind of hate.


Vertigo.


I remember it but can't feel it, I just physically can't. It's another thing I gave to The Mission. They knew I was afraid, so they took it away from me. Don't admire, don't fear, because they will take everything that you love or hate.

Pharma is right. Deep down, I'm still against implements and biocoding, The Mission or not, this shit is fucking me up, should I not be able to feel vertigo like I'm supposed to? Can I at least own my feelings? That's why they will never know that I'm claustrophobic, they just can't take everything from me, I won’t let them take what’s real.


Vertigo.


Hunger, thirst, tiredness, slight pain, I don't really feel any of these things anymore, I know it's still there, it gives me discomfort when I have urgent needs, but it's never gonna hurt the same. They coded me, I got implemented, I’m worth more than most kids could ever dream of, and I fucking hate it.


Vertigo,


I feel like the world is in an upside down free fall since his beginnings, and we keep elevating ourselves at a frightening pace while losing more and more our touch with the ground, just trying to make sense of nothing, while building on what is already collapsing. Or, maybe everything just falls in place, and I'm just lost, not remembering why and how things are supposed to be.



Maybe it's not vertigo that I can't remember.


Maybe it's this kid that first brought me up there. This kid face, just before I blew it with a Blaster on that fucking night of the new era.



 
  • Pharma:

Hey, what’s on your mind?

  • Me:

Hum, vertigo... I guess, bad memories also.

  • Pharma:

I hope I wasn't involved, haha.

  • Me:

Just enough.

  • Pharma:

You know things have been quite smooth over here since a couple of years, times have changed now, the streets are safer, people have jobs... shitty ones but hey, still better than what we grew up with.

  • Me:

I know. It's part of The Mission to monitor the GCC.


The only things I can see are the lights, I can't stop myself thinking about them as a constellation of stars stuck down here patiently waiting to implode, crazy how they probably all have a complex story to tell, closer but as impossible to reach, yep just like down to earth stars.


  • Pharma:

I know how you hate The Singular and the state, but for real, I can't say their policies ain't working, I mean, I am even thinking about having kids.

  • Me:

Don't tell me that you're pregnant!

  • Pharma:

Fuck off, NO! Are you crazy? I got enough kids like that, it was just a figurative way of speech. I'm just saying that it ain't that bad around here, The Singular is actually doing good in our communities.

  • Me:

Ha fuck off, stop it with your brainwashed bullshit, I'm not having it, it's like you're taking me for a lunatic, you know as well as me that this evil ass A.I. ain't no good for us, we all gave it our wants, needs and thoughts, for what? Perfect data driven realities? Like if everything was indexed? This thing is thriving, feeding on our lives that we surrender for nothing. This bullshit ain't free, nothing is, except us to them. Plus, stop being such an entitled ass, you can't see shit now with your stacks of money blocking out all the view.

  • Pharma:

Haha! Ok, calm down buckaroo, I'm just saying that you are a crazy no-life lunatic, and I'm happy that you are still talking like a true backyard rebels, deep down you definitely still have it in you.

  • Me:

Just tell me when we are there and stop fucking with me.

  • Pharma.

I missed you, Fox.



The blurry city got the best of pharma.


We all know that It’s a hard knock life and you gotta fight for your chances, but Pharma, she did more than fight, she killed it, literally blew it up like the brain of the backyard devil's leaders. We seriously had to be bloodthirsty beasts to overcome these fuckers, we had to go out there with a berserker mentality and once you switch your brain that way it's fucking hard to go back.


Humans are violent animals by nature, deep down we just love it, then, just had money into the mix as a primary incentive, and you get that bloody mess we call a world!


Yup, we're all monumentally fucked, always been.


Credit are going to change you, make you aware of what you could lose or gain, the more you have, the more you know not to gamble with. Watch the stakes or else, you’re fucked! The perfect ABC to build a reputation when you're rich is to not let people fuck with what is yours, incidentally Pharma had to "make remember" a few unlucky bastards of this very important fact.


I know what she did, when she talks about having children and everything being fine, she's not talking about the kids in the streets dying of her drugs, she's not talking about the Valina bloc members who got slaughtered after trying to take some of her streets, The section 03 is just as bad as any other gang, if not worst. The state and The Singular are just perpetrating the same bullshit, non-stop. The people who control credit know better than stopping the Free-market. Hence, just us in the streets, getting drilled in every damn holes.




  • Pharma:

We're getting close, bro! How do you feel?

  • Me:

Fucking marvelous to be honest, can’t wait to be surrounded by fucktards, while knowing I don't know shit about the situations, and they will be looking for answers I clearly can't give. Shit is gonna be a A-grade frat party.

  • Pharma:

Man if it can help, I got your back, no matter what, I swear on my life that I'll get you out of there, free and alive.

  • Me:

Well, you better stay true to your word, because that wasn't reassuring at all.

  • Pharma:

Please fox, if you know anything now is the time!

  • Me:

Well, the whole city is fucked that's for sure, how it's gonna affect us? That's another story.

  • Pharma:

... What are you gonna do after the meeting?

  • Me:

I'mma be out of there... The Mission...

  • pharma:

...

  • Me:

Yeah I know... Sorry.



 


There is no choice.

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