Jacob the Little junior was nothing more than a young bear living in the uncharted lands past the gates of the all times highs. Like all good bears of his age, he was often more preoccupied with learning the proficients ways of being gay than by the ways of making tendies. He knew that the greatest bears were the ones that knew how to catch tendies, but deep down the only thing he really wanted was to become a wife's boyfriend. He always believed that it was way more exciting than being a seller of calls for the VIX order, a shorter for the Red armies or a trader of metals derivatives for the heti-elf . Nonetheless he knew that making tendies was the first step for stealing someone else’s wife, so on the first day of his 18th year, he left his home and started the most incredible story of our times, the gayest of all tales. One day as he was walking on Hu Esse Air way, not so far from Airlineria City, his gaydar tingled. He knew it was ill advice for a lone bear to be in these parts and although he still was in bear territory, near the old ruins of the two towers, going further would certainly lead him to a bulls settlements or worse, the cities that Warlord Buffets and the Billionaire’s council lost to the bulls during the Big Dip war. He was about to turn back when he suddenly heard strange bellows coming from afar, he felt his stomach dropping to his heels. If a gang of bulls saw him, a terrible exchange would be inevitable. Running for cover was the only option, so he ran. For miles upon miles he ran, taking left when it seemed right, and right when there was nothing left. Going down traps and dips to double top-hills and gap, he finally stopped to realize that he was completely lost.
In front of him, from the middle of nowhere appeared a gloomy batiment. Strong effluvium of distilled fruits and cooking meat had not much convincing to do and enthusiastically Jacob the Little Junior rushed to the porch of the tavern. The sign went as:
Inside, the room was dusty and dimly lit, a musty smell was emanating from the wooden floor and it suffice of a few instants to understand how poorly managed the Inn was.
Hello? Anybody is there?, yelled Jacob.
No sounds. Cautiously our bear started to roam around the room hoping to find some rests of bread or hopefully some piece of Wendy's , anything really that could help his screaming hunger (anyone knows there's nothing worse for a bear than to hear his stomach go Brrrrrr). Fortunately, behind the counter was a basket of what seemed like foodstuffs.
If you don’t mind, I’m gonna serve myself and will let a few tendies at your disposal!, timidly said Jacob to an empty room.
And slowly Jacob took out his knife, cut himself some pieces of bread and started eating. He was just starting to let his guard down a bit when suddenly from the darkness of of the room..
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE KIDDO?
“HAAAAAAA!”, yelped Jacob.
“SHHHHH, stop crying, Are you dumb? Don't you know?”, Said the stranger.
“But you just..I mean, it would help to not scare the shit out of me? I almost had a stroke”, responded Jacob.
“Well you will, if you wake up the Bagholders,” whispered the stranger.
"What do you mean?" Jacobs' voice broke.
"The bagholders… The war… If they come back to life we’re done."
"Shit, what kind of dark magic is lingering here?"
"Shhhhh, don’t mention it. It’s not safe."
"Where are they? I mean, let’s get the fuck out, what are we waiting?"
"The basement is full of them, but I can’t leave."
"Why? What the fuck, the printer is at work here, it”s not a fucking game, let’s go."
"If I leave I will lose a fortune. I can’t just go like that."
"What? The fuck is left here, are you suicidal? Bagholders took everything with them in their death, it’s how it works. They could get back to life at any given time now, I can’t fight undead possessed by bulls spirit, I can’t even spell derivatives or hold a sword, hell I’m only a young bear looking to be a Wife’s boyfriend like his great-grandfather was."
"Shut up kid, I got a deal for you. I’ll make you rich if you accept to do one thing for me."
"No fucking way old bear. I’m not going down in this rabbit hole. I choose my life over tendies."
"You said you wanted to be a wife’s boyfriend? Yet you can’t even do a simple Yolo for almost guaranteed tendies. I’m telling you, the only way to become what you want will be to either learn how to spell derivatives or to go for the high risk play, young boy."
A vision of the great tales surrounding the history of his great-grandfather flashed before Jacob's eyes. How could one become a wife’s boyfriend without owning at least a few tendies.
"All I want you to do is to help me retrieve the most valuable bag of tendies you have yet to see in your life."
"Okay... if I accepted, how could two bears possibly enter a basement full of dead bagholders, grab a bag and come back alive?"
"Well, I told you it was MY bag, they will not react unless I touch theirs, and do you think we are just gonna go down there with our dicks out? I got a plan, a DD, I just needed a sidekick."
"Well, tell me more about this DD, old bear."
"You see the printer magic has been strong around Airlineria City recently and I got lucky enough to grab some fresh new tendies lying here and there. I got a decent stash now and I performed a derivatives spell on these. If you could burn enough new printed tendies while following me downstairs, the bag holders should stay asleep long enough to let me take my own bag and leave."
"How can you be sure, it’ll work."
"Well I can’t, but have you ever heard of averaging down?"
"Well yes, but i’m not sure what…"
"It’s exactly what we’re doing, we ain’t the first and ain’t the last to try it, that i can guarantee you."
'I mean, it’s true that the greatest bear all did it at least once. You know what old bear? Fuck it I’m in."
"Well that’s what a Wife’s boyfriend would do! It can’t go tits up."